She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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