sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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