Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
