only if we run a train.
done.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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