do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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