Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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