Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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