Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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