I wish I could teleport
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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