Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
