he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Shame - the story of my life.
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