note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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