I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
