he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize