hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
