i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
