I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
