My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if i can run in heels then i can drive
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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