I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so let's talk penis.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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