Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
