had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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