Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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