He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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