im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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