So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize