i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
