god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
