Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just come out here and I will go home with you...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
