are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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