I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
