I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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