who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
