You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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