i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
