Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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