So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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