I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
