Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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