i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
