What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
