Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
