6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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