I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize