If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
