no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
