you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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