Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize