i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
