WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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