Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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