Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
...so i touched it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
