She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
