Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
