i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
