Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
