The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
