he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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