I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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