Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
