Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
