They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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