grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
