my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
