If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
