That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
