i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
