3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
