Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
