he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
