Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
