she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
