the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
