I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
