...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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