She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
