Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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