Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
