We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
