I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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