the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
