1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just cropdusted the office
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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