Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have post one night stand depression
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