Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
