what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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