i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
