I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
