it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
