Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
