I think i peed on brittanys purse
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
