When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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