we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
