she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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