I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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