I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
