He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize