I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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