someone get that fucking seahorse.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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