last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
