why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
