i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
